Updated: Aug 19, 2020
So....about January 2020 I kind of decided that I hated working full time. A realisation that I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed to make changes in my life or nothing would change.
Probably many of you have been in this position in various situations. For me, I had returned back to work full time after having a baby and had been back for a year. I had been refused part-time hours and was set on showing those bastards that I could do it.....Truth was I could do it... but I wasn't doing it all as well as I wanted to. I was skimping and cutting corners in all sorts of different ways that I wasn't prepared to make in the long term. I pondered for a while. Started meditating, journaling and seeking out inspirational writing.
I was due to have supervision at work with another new manager. It was another change, another person to learn to please. She decided that we needed to do our first meeting over a skype call. Come on I thought to myself we are in the business of Social Work where in my opinion developing relationships is key. What she didn't realise is from that decision she made to skype call me was the icing on top of my rainbow sponge cake. I HAD HAD ENOUGH!!!!! I am worthy of more than this. I was sacrificing time with my family massively for an organisation that demonstrated to me time after time that I was worthy within limitations. Over worked with high case loads meant that in the evenings I was stressed either home late rushing bedtime routines so I can log on to complete that report due or just so freaking drained. Either way my family life and my self care was non existent.
Stuff that...I want more. My family mean more and more importantly I DESERVE MORE. Fuck your rules, and your limitations!
So as she started to talk, the usual "How do you feel things are going, and What cases do you want to discuss" Before I knew it like verbal diarrhoea I started;
" I might as well stop you right there, there's no point in letting you continue"
I did it. I told her I am handing in my notice. Calling a day on the last almost 6 year job in a respected position.
Tears rolled down my face and I exhaled. I aligned with my breathing, connected with the internal.
The rest is history as they say but actually its not that long ago. 3 months working my notice. 3 months of meditating, thinking about my why???? Thinking about what I'm moving on to. I have nothing lined up except a pipe dream that I need to have more family time and a working arrangement that allows for this flexibility with maximum income which I'm also not willing to sacrifice. I think they call this knowing your worth?
I'm truly grateful for the role which I was afforded for a significant period, but surpassing the unseen limitations in that arena was going to cause me more grey hairs than the reward was worth. That realisation was priceless, so thank you (to God, the universe, source).
I never anticipated that my last working day would end up being 6 weeks into a lockdown in a Pandemic. Holy Shit!! WTF have I done.
The bottom line is, I want to inspire people, help to raise confidence and self esteem and to assist women to come out of their comfort zones to live the life they truly want when they dream their wildest dreams.
I was on a good wage, it was a stable and secure income but not only was I being limited in my creativity I know that I am and have more to give.
So... if any of this resonates with you and you want to hear more about my journey, events leading up to this stage and what follows here in I will be back with more.
For now, the power of now is all we have and I am grateful for your time. Hope to see you soon.