I’ve been struggling the past couple of weeks of what to write about. I think this is called writers block but I have been inspired by a few things so guess I will start there?
An advert just spoke to me it said “Alive… what makes you feel alive? It was a perfume advert and that was like a bingo moment. What am I doing, thinking and feeling to make me feel alive. Let's break this down.
The doing-The last few months despite the pandemic I have returned back to the world of employment. This is a big part of what I have been doing.
A new job role. Some might say a step backwards in terms of the “usual” pathway in my profession. The important thing for me when interviewing and accepting the role was that I was clear about what my boundaries were in terms of pay and hours. I knew I wanted a four day week and I was upfront about this from the get go. I had also worked out in terms of finances what my minimum expectation was but luckily this role was better paid in any event. Win win! At one point when they were asking me about my expectation in terms of pay and hours I very nearly crumbled handing the power over to them. But, there seems to have been something about me taking the time to reflect and having clarity, giving me the confidence to stand firm in my decision that these are my parameters. Take me as I am.....
Since starting I have been so busy during my 4 day week that I have rarely had time to breathe during working hours. However, what I have found is that the role MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE! I’m not perfect, sometimes I’m slow to respond to emails because I’m out on the road being hands on, sometimes my notes are a little minimal but I act from a genuine place and can honestly say if I have to stand up in court that I tried my best! When it gets to Sunday I don't have that dread feeling churning in my stomach i now know that Monday is day spent investing in my family and me #winning.
The thinking- I’ve been reading about shame and vulnerability and you may think what the hell has this got to do with it? But, it is all linked. When I set out my boundaries I guess my fear was that they wouldn't believe that I was worth it. (The shame!) I was vulnerable and left myself open to rejection. Brene Brown quotes the words of a speech from Theodore Roosevelt in her book entitled Daring Greatly.
In my own words :) …
It is not the person willing to criticize you that counts
Not the person who highlights how hard you fall or how you could do better.
The credit belongs to the person fighting the fight.
Drawing blood sweat and tears and striving bravely.
Because there is nothing without falling and at least if you fall, fall daring greatly.
We live our day to day lives in vulnerability. In relationships, in parenting, in work, but right now we are so used to putting on armour to survive. So much armour and so little time and space given for reflection that we have lost touch with who we are underneath it all and what we truly want beyond just survival. My opinion is that when we fully lean into the discomfort of our vulnerability and give ourselves time and space to reflect is when we see the biggest times of personal growth.
The feeling- Well I have had days that I have felt good and those when I have felt not so good. But I have been trying to commit to regular meditation. Before bed is a good time for me and as a result I have been feeling more able to observe my thoughts and take charge to a certain degree. In the mornings in my car listening to a playlist I've entitled high vibe. The tunes (only around 6/7) uplift me and in those moments I know the emotional state that the music will bring me to, setting me up for the rest of the day. Even if everything else goes tits up, for those few tracks, I know that I am in good spirits and have the capacity to face the day.
There are many ways you can anchor yourself. I also have a book on my dresser entitled You are amazing, because sometimes when I look in the mirror after having broken sleep and an early start (and on a one way ticket to 40) I could do with that gentle reminder.
When I say I want to work with those of you out there who have lost your mojo, and those of you that want to increase your feeling of confidence, I will ask you to get vulnerable with me. By that I mean digging deep, really deep, being honest about what it is that you truly want and that isn’t a measure of you against anyone else. This is your journey and I truly believe that with investment of time and if you are willing to put the work in, you can transform the way you live and become the confident version of you that you are looking for.
If you are interested have a look on Netflix for The call to courage. Have some Kleenex to hand though because it may hit a note.
Again thank you for your time.
P.s. Don't forget to consider what makes you feel alive.